The Gamer and The Otaku Emerge

In attempts to return to life outside the office, I will be attending the following events in a few hours.

In the morning, it would be Level Up! Live 2010. I'll be with my guild from RF Online (Rising Force Online), S.O.U.L. or Sacred Order of the Undying Light. We have a booth so please do visit if you are heading there. [We have merchandise you will love to buy *wink wink*]

In the afternoon, I'll be at UP AME: Now Playing Track 10. I'll be there as X-23 from the X-Men [Only the cool people know who she is... by the way, I'll be going as the Marvel Comics version :P I know it isn't anime but what ever. I groove to my own music.]


So if you will be there, let me know. I'd love to get to know my readers as well. [Though, I don't blog as much anymore. It would still be fun to know you guys.] See you there.

---

Here's the verdict:

LU Live 2010

Track 10

Though nevertheless, I had a lot of fun! 

The Start of Something New

10.10.10 was interesting. Mainly because I did this: 

 This would probably put what I'm wearing in perspective: [If you still don't get it... well... you may not know the game or you don't customize.]

Thanks for the wig, KA. :D 

Thank You 22.

This is me at midnight:

Yeap, start of my 22nd year on earth was on the job. Oh well, I wanted everything I needed to be done finished before I left to have my one day of rest. [Sadly, no I was not able to finish everything but I made a dent on the things I needed to do in the least]

Yes, it's been quite a long time since I blogged. I got way too busy. Oh well, at least it's work and it's earning me a living and keeping me alive. 

I spent the rest of the day in bed and had some one on one time with myself. I had my nails done and went to the mall to window shop for Christmas presents [I always made sure that I start to budget my Christmas spending right after my birthday.] 

Though that Christmas post will be for some other time. 

Anyway, since I turned 22. I wanted to share with you how much my life has changed over the last year by sharing 22 things that I am thankful I have now.

Let's do this...

22. Corby Pro - Mainly because this is my new buddy. It's my hard earned reward for all the things I've been doing. Though, as my dad taught me this is a tool for me to be better and get somewhere, not necessarily something to flash around. [Still, it's nice that it's pretty.]

21. Wendy's - Since, it's not Mcdo *laughs*. It's my birthday meal today. 

20. CDR King - for all the cheap [technical] life support they give me. I mean I can't help it but this store has made things bearable-slash-affordable for me. From the music pumping into my system that keeps me alive during my long commute up until the screen protector I just bought.  

19. Sky Broadband - enough said. [3 mbps.. nummy]

18. Full night's sleep - because it's been a very rare occurrence lately.

17. Opportunities - because without any of those opportunities I would not have experience numbers 19-22. I think it's good that I learned to grab opportunities [with calculated risks of course] and make the best out of them. [I think I owe this to my upbringing but more to the environment I grew up in.]

16. Perseverance - because without this, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be happy if I didn't see this until the end. From the very low points in my 21st year to the skyrocketing improvement now that I'm 22, this is all because I persevered. 

15. Principles - that I have due to it that if I didn't stand by what I believe in I would still probably be stuck in a place where I was itching to get out of. I am thankful for principles has been instilled in me for it keeps me grounded.

14. Hope - because I was so close to losing it but it's still here. I continue to hope.

13. Health - because with the lack of number 18, the mere fact that I'm not yet dead is a sheer miracle. [Of course, I'm exaggerating...I think] Nevertheless, I am thankful for my health that I am still well and that I would continue to be.

12. Employment - because it's something that not everyone would have. I'm happy in my current company because despite the long work hours at least all of it is compensated both by triumphs and finances. I'm glad I'm employed and am with a great company.

11. Promotion - not necessarily due to the compensation but more of the recognition that you performed well and are worthy of that recognition by your peers and superiors. It's like graduation all over again. 

10. CompetiTEAM - because they are such great people! I enjoy work because they are there. I am glad that they've got my back and I've got theirs. I could have not asked for a better team.

Though this is not only for my core team but for the people that we work with and I've gotten to know. I admire you all for your great work ethic and for the patience you've shown me as I improve myself and learn the skills necessary to become an asset in this company. Moreover for bearing with me as I keep asking questions. XD

9. Noreen and Mai - because no matter how much time passes these two understand me to the core. [I miss you both!]

8. Bookclub - they have been there through the confusion of puberty. The pains of growing up and of course the support in the real world. They have accepted me for all the craziness and weirdness in me. For giving me the best conversations and real love. [I will see you guys in December?]

7. Chicas - cause no matter how diverse we are, we most definitely are made to be friends. From the stress of college to the stress of the real world, I wouldn't have been where I am now if not for my chicas.

Then and Now

6. Pointy Points - because they have been such a blessing to me. Putting up with me and opening their doors to me. Gian to all points: you do not know how grateful I am for all that you've done. [I promise to do chores on my next off XD] 

5. Dad - because for his commitment to be a dad to us, no matter how hard the situation is. For being my confidant and best friend and my Father. Faja, I love you.

4. Siblings - because no matter what, we stick together. I maybe far away but I am affected. I am doing everything I am doing right now for things to get better. My soulmates since birth, I want you guys to know I love you and that I promise to do the best that I can to make things better. 

with our best buds since diapers XD

3. Love - because without this, I would probably be a very bitter, angry and hostile person. I would never know what it is to have someone stand beside you until you came into my life and really just stood by me through all the hell that has been raised against us. As I've always said, real love and real food what more can I ask for? [Thanks for cooking and waking me up XD]

2. Courage - because without that first step I would have never ever have started walking on my own. 

1. God - for guiding me and watching over me and just being there. I don't think I would even be writing this if He didn't allow it so. For all the wisely unanswered prayers, thanks Big G. 

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, would be 22. Good night! 

Sundays: Our New Day

I've been way to tired to blog lately. Big things happening at work that has been keeping me busy and moving about. [Plus the fact that I'm sniffling for the past week doesn't help either.] Well, at least we ended on a high note last week! Go Team!

Moving on.

Despite everything that's been happening to my serious side of life, I'm glad to say that all the others areas seem to balance out all the work I actually do. So here are some quick updates:

• Sorcerer's Apprentice Syndrome: Last week, Arckham and I decided to catch The Sorcerer's Apprentice. [Instead of The Last Airbender for reasons we will blog about later on.] This was after church, which we now do regularly. Moreover, I loved this day because we went on a date-DATE which we don't get to do a lot anymore. To top it all off, a long kwentuhan session at Starbucks. *le sigh* I totally loved feeling like and being treated like a princess for a day. :P

• The Company GA: Yay for company paid day outs. I am so glad to say that I think I found a place where I will last a very long time. Besides getting to swim [which is something I totally love doing] I also find that people here have great tastes in music. My music geekiness has found a home. *big smile*
• Start of the Month: So today being the start of the month, I think it started well. The house is beginning to shape up which is great, everything is beginning to fall into place here. I also love that despite the very hectic week last week, Arckham and I were able to do some unwinding and a little bonding. What I loved about this day the most is the new flavors out for the DQ Blizzard: Strawberry and Chocolate Cheesecake. YUM! [Go grab one!]

This post is titled Sunday: Our New Day because it's the only day that our off days from work fall on the same day. Back in college, Friday nights was our bonding time since it was the only time I used to get off work early. Now, it's Sundays and it's my one day refueling day for the rest of the coming week.

Moreover, I hope to be back blogging decent posts again soon. 

Everyone, have a good week ahead. Let's start this month right! :D 

Commuter's Thoughts 2: The 1990's

Right about a week ago, I was on a cab on my way to church. The rain was pouring lots and traffic was horrible. The ever reliable Manong Driver turned on his radio. And guess what hit me?

How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that?
I can't believe what I just gave away
Now I can't take it back
I don't wanna get lost
I don't wanna live my life without you
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that?

Yes, besides the fact that it was a pop song [which I am not very fond of] , that song was playing on a Sunday! *le gasp* 


I grew up with the impression that Sunday radio would cater to the older groups' tastes. Stuff from the 70's and 80's would be playing on Sundays, so I don't listen to the radio on Sundays when I much younger [And besides, the radio thought my favorite genre wasn't airtime worthy]. At the moment as the song finished on the taxi's radio, I realized, the only time I will be able to actually recognize majority of the songs being played will be on Sundays.

Quoting Kuya:

"There is a thing as the 90's now."

Ah yes, I am old. So to all the kiddies out there and my generation, a little something from the 90's:






Yes, this was two decades ago.

Enjoy your Sunday radio.

Commuter's Thoughts 1: Lolo

Since, I spend about a good two hours on jeeps as my daily routine. Despite my having music pumping into my system during those times, I still seem to reach a point where my mind would be composing photographs. [Yes, I need a camera again soon.] According to popular belief, photographs probably better express what words would not be able to convey accurately. [This doesn't deter me from trying though.]

Anyway, about two days ago, I was riding the jeep on my way to work. As usual, everyone was in a hurry. Upon reaching the general Ortigas Area, a bunch of the commuters got off. An old man, sad beside me. He was in a white polo, slacks and old leather shoes. He had a paper bag with him, filled with a couple of DVDs and a pen attached to a booklet. [Detailed isn't it? Yes, I was composing a photograph. *belat*] 

Then this lolo [what we generally call old men in our country relatively as a sign of respect] pulled out the booklet which was apparently filled crossword puzzles. As I watched him complete two puzzles with great accuracy, I couldn't help but admire this lolo. He just made me realize a few things: 1) I suck at crosswords, 2) this lolo was one smart man, [at the speed he completed the puzzles, I commend him] and 3) there is this sense of serenity in what he was doing. He smiles after accomplishing a puzzle.

He can do that in the middle of all this:

by c.flessen

I say serenity because in this city where moving fast and being in a hurry is part of the lifestyle. There is a man that has the time to ignore all that finish a puzzle and show a girl like me that life isn't all about getting to work. I saw that there are still simple pleasures in life. [Imagine that?] 

As he left the jeep, I thought to myself that someday, I would like to pause in the middle of it all and stop worrying about getting to point B and doing something fulfilling along the way as well.

Charles Dickens, Huh?

I know the sudden updates in my blog is quite shocking for most of you, but truth be told this is one of the things that is keeping me sane. [Or rather convincing me that I have a life outside work. Or that our targets have been doubled but it's not big deal. Or....]

Well, anyway, I found this on my timeline at plurk. I decided to try it out and my result is:

I write like
Charles Dickens

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Oh and this is the piece I had them analyze.

*feels important*

So give it a try and let's me know what you got. :D

There's Something About The Rain

So Basyang was quite a fright! I literally couldn't sleep despite having my MP3 player in my ears. The winds and the sheets of pouring rain kept me up. [They were trying to knock our wall down, I swear.] If there's one thing I am not yet prepared to handle, it is a Ondoy/Pepeng-like catastrophe.

As with Manila weather, it tends to scare you at night then the next morning, it's all sunshine. Oh well, at least we were allowed to dress down in the office.

There is one good thing that made very happy with this recent storm: My travel time went back to normal!

You see, lately, there have been an increase in deployment of traffic enforcers in my route to work. I already leave my place an hour and a half early and what annoys me is that I still cut it close to being late. I know they're just doing their jobs but the time intervals between the waits on each traffic enforcer would have an estimated total time of 30 mins. I don't think they're helping ease traffic at all. If at all I think they're creating the traffic. [I don't like being late for work, especially if I've exerted all effort to get there early.]

So to all the traffic enforcers out there: please do either 1) a better job at coordinating among yourselves, or 2) just assist motorist when needed. I think the reason why people would have a license to drive is because they would be able to assess the situation on the road and respond accordingly. [At least, that's how I am.] Nevertheless, it's rush hour, people tend to move faster and make better decisions if it's for their good and usually that works for everyone. I prefer you to be there when it doesn't work.

The only reason I really see why we have traffic is that the traffic lights, as compared to the traffic enforcers, are more coordinated than the enforcers are, hence, traffic lights are better at managing the car inflow.

So to Basyang, despite your tantrum during the evening, I do thank you for giving me a good morning. I hope next time you let me have a decent night's sleep too. XD

Dear God...

I went to church. After the longest time, I went to church. I'm so happy I actually did. It felt like... well, coming home. It felt like a great big warm hug about my spirit.

For the past three months, I wasn't as capable as I am now to go around. [I didn't have any source of income then] So what I do is that I just pray a lot and as usual journal a lot. I may not be the most spiritually confessing person but yes, let me say for the record that I believe in God.

Let me share a song that has been keeping me hopeful and strong the past few months. Every time I felt unsure this song helped point me towards the right direction. 

Anyway, I'm a myriad of contradictions and I believe that's very human of me. I may not be the goody two shoes but I know where I stand. The trip to church last Sunday marks my thanking My Papa up there for watching over me the past few months. I'm now steady on my feet again and I couldn't ask for anything more. 

There was something the pastor said last Sunday that really stuck with me.

"I'm thankful for all the prayers God didn't answer."

 That made perfect sense to me. I mean I can't even imagine where I'd be right now God answered all my prayers.[Or how the world would manage to survive. I have a very active imagination especially regarding getting out of home work in the past. *laughs*]

But of course, above all things, I will always be grateful for the prayers He did answer.

The Might of a Maroon

Woohoo! Kudos to DSLU for the video.





I just love how they presented the Fighting Maroons. I know we don't win alot [in the men's basketball that is] but I still love our team.

Make this Maroon proud!

Great, Good and Bad News

A lot of things are new as of today. I personally always want good news first. [Yeap, I'm not that stereo typical nice girl that always wants happy endings. Doesn't this line come from a movie somewhere?]

Anyway, the great news is I just signed my contract with my new company. [Yes, I've already done my jumping up and down.] I'm super excited to start working again. I'm currently completing my pre-employment requirements. [I'm nearly done actually.]

I went about today to the different government agencies to get my requirements done. I stopped by the NBI (National Bureau of Investigation) to get my NBI Clearance. It just happens that in the city I am located in the NBI offices are currently missing. So, I had to head to a neighboring city. The process was relatively less harsh than I thought. [Or I'm just a veteran of pila sa init or queuing in the heat as is with my Alma Mater.] The sad thing is with a name as complicated and as long as mine, I'd still get a namesake! *shocking*

I have to wait a week to get the clearance. Gah!

This couldn't get my spirits down still. I'm still very thankful for all those who prayed for me and for the work that I now have.

The good news is I present to you:

 

President Benigno "Noynoy" Aquino III 

and

Vice President Jejomar Binay

They are the new leaders of our country. I hope that they both lead well. I am glad with the turnout of the election on the national level. [Yes, I do feel a bit sad for Mar Roxas, he sacrificed so much for this year. Good things will come to you, Mar.]

To the President: I hope you do not let us down. Those of us who campaigned, trusted, supported and voted for you. May you lead with wisdom and may you be the change and not merely be a symbol for change in our country.

On Baguio politics: I don't have much to say. It's out with the new and in with the old. [Can't blame Baguio, the new didn't do as well as we hoped.]

The bad news is that there was a fire at UP! This I found out just now and it was all over the social networks I frequent.

A fire of undetermined origin razed the Palma Hall Pavilion II of the University of the Philippines in Diliman, which houses the university’s chemistry laboratories, close to midnight Wednesday... more

OMG, the laboratories! *flashback to undergrad classes at Palma and ChemPav* UP will get through this. I know so.  *sings: matatapang, matatalino, di patalo kahit kanino...*

Anyway, over all, it's been good lately.

Rolling

Yeap, the last post was something way deep. So, here's something lighter on the head.

I added a blogroll. It's on the utmost right side of this blog. It's entitled Staring at Clouds.

This are the blogs or sites that I frequent and am entertained by on occasion. So if you want me to include your blog or site in there feel free to leave a comment and let me go check out your blog.

Yes, unfortunately I cannot guarantee your getting into the list, but I'll sure give your read a try.

So link exchange anyone? Let's get things rolling.

Don't Just Dream

I miss blogging. I actually told myself that I'd start blogging again when I have stable internet access. Lo and behold, I apparently can manage having stable internet access. [Thank you my sponsors: Smart Bro, Sammy, Toshi and Ingen.] Not as often as when I had Enso with me but well enough manageable.

Anyway, I've taken the first step into achieving a big dream but first I have had to let smaller dreams to come to pass. Among those small dreams was a dream of freedom from fear, being hurt and being belittled. A dream that started about June last year. A small dream that has now come to pass.

Yes, isn't it fortunate? Perhaps, but a lot of it wasn't just fortune. There was drive, determination and sooner than expected the diminishing amount of fear I felt. It's hard to be in a situation where you aren't heard, where people label you without bothering to listen to you, where you're already nothing and not given a chance to be something and most specially when you are told every single day that you will never amount to anything. It's a very hard, sad and hurtful situation. Yet, with a little love, a little hope, a little dream and a whole lot of faith, believe me you will come out strong.

I did.

I've been free for about a month and a half now. You see, I took that step. I took that step into the unknown trusting that God will watch over me. and He has. He really has. I left the place where the fear in me was planted, nurtured and is still trying to reach me.

Of course, it is not a miracle [though I still feel and believe it is] that my dream had come to pass. There are casualties, Enso and Demitri. Though, I know there will be better and better will come. Life is manageable now, not great, not quite yet, but it is far more that what I could have asked for. For that, I am grateful.

The most important lesson I've learned from all this is that, dreams don't just come to pass. You have to act on them. You have to make that first step. If you don't, you never will know what it could be. I believe that dreams are there as a way of God telling you that He still believes in you. He still is all for you. He still loves you. No matter what they all say.

It hurts me that others are still in that place of fear and that they are being pushed down by the very people that should help them up. How can I blame those people who do not wish to see, they are afraid too.

I've smiled more now despite things being hard. I cry too, it's not always as happy as it should be, but I am glad we are trying to be happy. I hope they smile sometimes too.

As I start to act on my bigger dream, I urge you to as well. Don't just dream, act on it.

I'm still smiling. I'll keep smiling. After all, this year, I will be happy.

My Graduation March: The Finale

So what can I say about it?

Cons: The college grad was rather sabog [unorganized]. I think last year's was better prepared for. The University Grad is the University grad aka hot, under the sun and guest seating rather sabog as well.

Pros: It's my graduation march, who cares about the cons.

Anyway, here are a few pictures from the College Graduation. I still can't seem to find that lady that took the pics on University Grad. Darnit!

It was memorable for a whole different reason, but it marks and end and a new beginning. A new life.

Still my thanks to my Alma Mater for the strength, lessons and training not only for the real world but for real life.

Turning In Two a Girl

Last April 23 marks my second year as a girl. *applause*

Wait! Don't get me wrong. I have always been a bona fide biological female. [I have proof! :P ] Though, I've only turned into a girl right about two years ago.

It started out with a simple exchange of texts between me and Arckham. Friendly dates happened too. An incident involving my laptop and his anti-virus. Then there were taking chances. Then a decision of a lifetime was made. Then there were lots [and I mean LOTS] of trials that came our way.

It's been two years that I have experienced the love, support, understanding and acceptance that I have waited 19 years for. [For these I thank you, Miracle.] 

I also learned a lot about myself.

Prior to two years ago, I was a boy. [Ask anybody I know.] I played online games, got into brawls [before I entered college that is], trash talked like a boy, hung out with guys more often than girls, tinkered with cars, and I most definitely dressed like a boy too. [The complete set of shirt, rubber shoes and jeans.] Yes, I still got my fair share of suitors prior and more than enought crushes, but I was still in essence a guy. [I played DOTA and trash talked like the best of them too.]

One of Arckham's pride and joy is that I give him credit for "turning me into a girl". I now choose my outfits with earnest instead of randomly pulling shirts out like I used too. I am relatively conservative in style. I wear earrings and accessorize now. I also am learning what the different girl's shoes are called. I'm not as lost in the female section as I was anymore. [Can you imagine what my office attire would be had I not turned into a girl?]

I'm not saying that these traits I've picked up are in essence what makes me a girl. I've also learned to be more patient, understanding and more... motherly. I learned to care most of all. About the way I carry myself, talk, move, dress and how I relate with others. Most importantly, I learned to love and be loved.

So here's to all the skirts, shorts and tops I own and to two years of holding on and growing for the better.

I'm looking forward to more years to come. As I continue to be a girl and a girlfriend.[then hopefully a wife.*wink*]

Happy 2nd Anniversary, Miracle! Let's keep holding on.

My Graduation March: The Overture

As this event progresses into my Baccalaureate finale, I am glad to say that so far I have accomplished two out of the three tasks that I need done before the weekend regarding the Grad March.

Arckham helped me secure a Sablay to wear [Thank you dearest!] and I've already attended the practice and pay the Php 200.00 they were requiring. So, all that is left is the dress and shoes. I will hopefully acquire them by Friday. [Otherwise, I am screwed.] 

Anyway, I was also able to hang out with Arckham and we were able to catch up on a lot of things. I also saw some other batch mates from the same course and that was fun. It feels so long since I've seen my block. [I seriously miss those people.]

As everything is being set in motion this week, I cannot help but feel a little apprehension. Though ultimately, I am at peace. I am praying for the best transitions and plans this week. [Pray with me please.]

Oh and before I go, do you think 500 pesos for 10 shots is too expensive? [This is for the official photographers on the weekend.]

Misadventures: Getting Lost

I've lived in Baguio nearly all my life. [So, don't blame me if I'm itching to leave. *sighs*] 

Anyhow, I've always had a good sense of direction and I think I knew this town like the back of my hand. Thing is a few days ago on my way home, I got lost. *laughs* Funny isn't it? Thank you for the surprise, Baguio.

Apparently, there are now two sets of jeeps marked with the general area of my house. One set misses my road and brings you to the middle of nowhere. The other set passes by my road and directly in front of my house. I rode the wrong jeep.

At first it was fine, I mean they will pass close to my house on the way back. So, I decided to wait out my ride. I was looking about and started marking where I was. [Me to myself: This is good, you know that house. This is Furguson. Everything's fine.] After convincing myself I wasn't lost, the jeep hit a dirt road. That's when I finally admitted, I was frickin' lost.

When the jeep stopped, I was atop a cliff. I am thankful though that the driver didn't force me out of his jeep and make me walk. He took me back to a street parallel to my house. [Thank you, Manong Driver. I appreciate it.]

Truth be told, I love getting lost. You experience a place differently cause you don't have a guide or a preliminary impression on the place. Plus, the adrenaline and nervousness make for an interesting combination. This is what first explorers felt and novelty of that feeling is rarely felt nowadays. I actually love that feeling, and that's why I'm inclined to travel and get lost more often. [It's how I got around and discovered places in Metro Manila and gained confidence as a commuter. Moreover, a jeepney strike is a commuter's adventure scheduled.]

I got home after an hour of my impromptu adventure. At least now I know what's at the end of the trail. Haha.

My Graduation March: The Prelude

Yes, I graduated last year. Yes, I am sure. So let me explain.

I am a summer graduate and at the university I attended they only have graduation marches on April of every year. Hence, I had to wait a year to march. [Technically, I find it unnecessary but my dad asked me to. And well, I love my dad.] So, I'm finally marching this weekend. I think it will put a nice period on the whole Baccalaureate chapter of my life.

As with every graduate, I should have the following prepared:

1. Beige, White or Ecru dress that has sleeves and cuts below the knee ala Filipiniana. [aka something conservative] 
2. Sablay [My Alma mater doesn't believe in togas and the hat tossing thing, hence we have our sablay, which is really meaningful.]
3. Php 200.00  on or before the practice this Tuesday. [Cause apparently they increased the rates. *sighs*]

Yes, I should have the above ready. I don't, but I'll get working on that sometime really soon.

I'm making a lot of plans after this week, I just hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. God be with me.

Cheap Burgers

A couple of days ago, me and my sister went out to get her confirmation kit from the university she'll be attending.

Lots of bonding ensued, talked about anything and everything under the sun. I was craving for burgers that day. Specifically the cheap ones close to our old high school. So we headed there and I got myself two. My sister didn't want any. I understood since she just graduated. I miss this from five years ago. *laughs*

Safe to say I noticed the amount increased most likely due to inflation. Those burgers just used to cost about Php 12.00. Nowadays it's about Php 16.00. So about a peso increase since the time I graduated from high school. I guess that's reasonable.

So why am I blabbing on about this? [Cause I want to and] Basically because I love food. I am a certified muncher. I crave for random things at random times. Moreover, I'm a very simple person when it comes to food. I'm not out for the gourmet restaurant serving all the time. I'm also not to picky with the things I eat. If it tastes good and very affordable, I'd eat there more often.

With trip scheduled next week for the Metro, I'm looking forward to food tripping at UP. Yum. I can't wait.

Sunrise Til Noon

First and foremost, April 1, 2010 would have been the first time I've woken up at 4 am since highschool. [I am definitely NOT a morning person, hence waking up early is a feat.] Why was I up so early? Well, I had a photo shoot with a couple of Adings [This is what we call the younger batches.] from my high school.

It was a pretty cool shoot. We started out with catching the sunrise at Minesview View Deck. My first time to catch the sunrise since camping activities in high school. What makes this sunrise special is that, I had a camera with me. *laughs* We also had a chance to take some portraits of Ading J who R kidnapped to be our model.

The sunrise was glorious. The way it permeated the cloudy grey morning and slowly rise into the sky was breathtaking. The rays were wonderful too cause they seemed so soft. It was definitely a good morning from God.

Anyway, as the morning matured, more tourists came to we kinda had to get away. Crowded tourists spots is definitely not a good shooting location. I also don't like crowds. So, we had a quick breakfast in McDonald's Session Road before heading to Botanical Garden (now known as Centennial Park) [It will forever be known as Botanical Garden to me.] We took still life shots and also a lengthy portraiture of Ading J who was a very cooperative model. It was great working with her.

Last stop for the day was in John Hay's Secret Garden and the Bell Amphitheater. This is where we took a voluminous amount of action shots. Our fellow photographer, who happens to also be a member of the Philippine Taekwondo Team, provided us with some very interesting mid-air action shots.

We ended the day with a lunch in the new Jollibee in Harrison Road. We were all happy with the shoot and we also all very very sleepy.

Since, I upload only once a month. The output will have to wait 'til the first week of May. Keep and eye out for those pictures.

Welcome, Alumnus!

Today we received my sister's confirmation kit from the university she's going to be attending. [Thank yous to Arckham for walking her papers] There was a lot to think about in that package. Especially since the university she's attending is one of the top universities in this country and it's NOT cheap. At all. [Yes, I am going to help send her to school. Oh the responsibility of the eldest. *le sigh*]

I also can't believe my sister's in college. That means, only my little brother left and we start making our own lives. Another realization is that I am OLD but still shorter than them all. *laughs*

Even if I've been with her as she ends her last year in high school. The fact that she's growing up too is sinking in just about today when we got the kit from V-liner.

I can't believe how much "tips" [a booklet full] a university gives to "prepare" a high school graduate to the life of a college freshman. I'd like to say to those that prepare all these things, you never know what they need. Every transition will be different, that's what makes freshmen year exciting.

Anyway, she graduated from high school last March 31, 2010. I just want to congratulate her and welcome her to the world of being an alumnus from the high school we attended.

Ate is proud of you sis! Love you! 

Emotional Blogging vs. Inspiration

I actually used to be a very emotional blogger and by emotional I mean every spark of anger, moment of hate or instance of irritation I have. I share it with the world as soon as I can blog about it. Well, not only the bad things but the good emotions too: happiness, giddiness and excitement. One person actually told me that I am no emotional genius. [I tend to agree with this still, but I am learning.]

In this blog, I'm not trying to be that anymore. I started this blog to help me look at the silver linings without necessarily neglecting the black clouds they hide behind. I started this blog because I wanted to start caring and start controlling my emotions. This blog helps me to aim higher and not sink lower. This blog gives me hope. [Warfreak still? A little bit.] 

So, what I do now is write down all the things I can think of blogging when a bit of emotion or inspiration comes along. I have a small notepad for that. Then I give it a day or so then look at that list again. I cross out what I don't feel strongly about anymore and pursue those items that still stick.

This is also the way I differentiate between flighty emotions and inspiration. I find that flighty emotions don't last and that inspiration does. The day I keep away from the list gives me time to think things over. Reflect on the emotions I'm feeling. After all, words said in anger are still words.

I think this is a more mature me. No longer a flighty teenager or a stressed college student.

I'm growing up.

Fighting Back And Fighting Fear

The world is not all flowers and sunshine. I'm old enough to know that. Same way there is a difference between being child like and childish; innocent and naive.

Some people go through this behind closed doors for the fear of judgement from the outside world. Domestic violence is the most neglected violence in my opinion. It is also the hardest to come out strong from. Imagine abuse since one was a child. [Hard isn't it?] Scar atop scar. Pain atop pain.

We have no right to judge them for their action based on our ideal views. They just defend themselves from bad parents. Remove the fact that they are parents, most of us would run to the aid of the child. The only thing a bad parent does is instill fear. Not respect. Or love. Fear. [Not a very good parenting strategy I must say.]

When the child no longer fears you? What do you do then? Sooner or later fear will run out. Respect and Love, those never do.

For the author's note: I'm not inclined to write about all sunshine and no rain. Every artist knows that usually the best pieces come out not from happy endings but reality, status quo and bad beginnings. Well in my case anyway.

Blog readers, this is the piece.

Arrange the Following: Love, Things, Use, People

*Taking a break from the Tumblr updates.*

In the materialistic world we live in the answer to this blog's title would probably be: Love Things and Use People. [Yeap, no change in the arrangement cause everyone would be to busy running after things to even bother thinking about this.]

Let's start with loving things.[C'mon, don't tell me you don't love a certain object at this very moment?] Most of use probably couldn't live without, in the least, a cellphone. Yes, we probably will tell people it's a necessity and that we don't love it. A fact of life. Then again, when it drops to the ground someone is at fault. Your anger flares! If anger towards the person is the first thing you feel, you most likely love that thing.

What about sentimentality? Well, I think sentimentality is well and good, as long as you don't loose sight that it is still an object. After all wouldn't you rather have a relationship to whoever that object is associated with than keeping that object forever? [I would.]

Now onto using people. This is rampant in today's society. Especially in this capitalistic world, the work force is just a pool of people to be used. Honestly, out of all the bad things I find present in society's everyday routine, using people is what I find most hurtful. The simple thing of your friend being a friend only in time of prosperity, partying and good times. If they fall into bad times, you don't even bother to lend a hand. *tsk tsk* 

Admittedly, I know how it is to feel used. I worked and gave a lot of effort when I didn't want to do evil bidding, they hired someone who will. Well, I don't like being used. [Leaving was the best decision I could have made and I did.] Then there are the insecure doormats who are more than happy to be used just to be paid and chase after the things they love.

The right answer: Love People and Use Things.


If we love people more than things, we find that no matter what state we're in we have friends who will be there. If we use things for the progress and improvement of both relationships and society, we could go far in life.

I'll keep practicing this. I'll keep loving people and using things.

Tumbling Back Into Tumblr

Of course, it was not only my blog that I've neglected while dealing with work but also my photography.

I was so hard to find time and squeeze in some shooting time. I missed my camera and now I am bonding with it as much as I can.

Anyway, I'm updating my tumblr account as of today. I have quite a lot to upload, so I really am sorry for the flood on your feeds for those following me. I also hope that I can get to write some fiction and not just upload photos over there. I basically use tumblr as a portfolio of the works I've done both in photography and writing.

Pop on over to tumblr and enjoy the randomness of that social network.

Over Compensation

I am trying to get back into the habit of blogging. So, I'm trying to make it a point to write as much as I can when I can. So far I think it's going well. [Yes, I hope the quality of my posts do not degrade with respect to the quatity of posts I make.]

Recently, I was able to meet up with a friend that I hadn't seen in a long time. We had coffee and just caught up with what's happening in each other's lives which is well and good. Lots of drama on my end and he is graduating. [Congratulations, W!]

Arckham and I were having a little issue then. [Worry not, we already talked about it.] So, W, being the present guy friend with substantial amount of relationship experience, gave me some relevant advice. [Thank you!]

Though that wasn't the highlight of the conversation in my opinion, it was the topic of over compensation. Apparently, W prefers girls who do not overcompensate. He defines it as using skimpy clothes to compensate for the lack of brain power. [You know, more skin equals less brain] This is quite shocking for me, since this actually makes sense. It's also good to know some guys just don't go for looks. [which I think is rare in the age of Sex Bomb and Wowowee girls. I never like those groups. *Shiver*]

I hope more dudes think about this before jumping into courting girls based on looks. I also hope ladies nowadays also know that guys are also looking for substance and they should too.

After all, invest in your brain. It should be your greatest asset.

Mechs

Well, one thing I love about Arckham is that he fosters my geekiness. [Honestly, I think he is geekier than I.]

Anyway, the latest thing he has gotten himself into is GunPla modeling. You know, all those expensive robots from the Gundam Series you father refuses to buy for you when you were a kid? Yes, he's into that.[Can't blame him though, he has purchasing power now.]

Arckham has been modeling for about a year now. He tried to get me into it around our anniversary last year. To do that, he bought me an HG 1/144 Overflag. Safe to say, Overflag and I have issues to resolve. [It's appendages kept falling off.] I kept away from GunPla since then.

In this post, I told you guys about the day we spent in his house just geeking. He let me panel line a kit he was working on. Seeing him work, I learned to appreciate the craft more. Moreover, we got me a HG 1/144 GN Archer which I am working on now.

This is built just out of the box.

I also joined MechaPinoy. It's the community where Arckham is learning how to properly master his craft. I am now learning from them too. [MechaPinoy peeps, I hope to meet you guys in the future.] It's actually been a long time since I last connected to an online geek community, so this is breathe of fresh air.

I already have a plan and have an end product in mind about Archer. I'm excited on how this will turn out. I'll post updates in Arxy about this project.

Oleander Time

"How many people ask you to come share their life?" 
- Janet Fitch; Astrid from White Oleander, 1999.

This book is inching it's way up my favorites list. It might just end up on the top and be called My Favorite Book. *gasp*

Traditionally, I don't have favorite books, Mainly because it's just so hard to choose from among them which is why the prospect of having a Favorite book is something that is near milestone in importance.

Anyway, this is the second time I've read White Oleander, it was a present from K for Christmas 2007. We share a love for great books. It was written by Janet Fitch. [If you could recommend any other book by this author that is worth the read, comment!]

The characters are very vivid especially that of Astrid. It's about a dysfunctional mother-child relationship. One between a poet mother and a visual artist of a daughter. The mother kills one of her lovers and Astrid goes through the system of foster care that's where it begins.

I love the way the author uses words in this book. The metaphors and the rawness of emotion is balanced very well. The misadventures of Astrid and the reality of how human beings relate to someone not of their own reinforces the idea that you are all you can depend on. The moment you find another to be your co-captain in life you are one of the blessed few.

This book always seems to give me my fighting spirit back. I mean I haven't been shot, starved or have scavenged, her spirit didn't break despite all that and she found her way, perhaps so can I. It also assures me that it'll be okay no matter what.

It's still your life, even when you're not in control. It's what you choose to do at that moment that matters.

Oh and lastly, I can relate to the mother daughter dynamic. Since, I think that's my biggest struggle currently.

Doormats and Snakes

"You're only a doormat if you feel like one."

Here comes the reason why I haven't paid much attention to my online life. I had a job. Yes, you read that right. It's in the past tense.

I worked from January to March. I didn't even have to finish the entire month of March.

Before I go to the resignation [Yes, I resigned. I am very good at what I do and I absolutely will not allow myself to be fired]and why it happened, I want to first look back on the good things.

I was in the field of Human Resources, the career I really want and plan to pursue. I was really glad I got this job. It was a start up company, and I got to sink my teeth into it. Develop, test, evaluate and implement what I learned from school and from my own research. I was excited and I wanted to give no less than a 110%.

The company is basically an outbound contact center. I first want to say that I loved the people I met there. I learned so much about the realities of working in the corporate world. I'm happy I met them and got to stay with them in this crossroad in time. I got to love the field I committed to more because of them. I like to help people. I like to know more about them and give them the best the company can offer so that they can be the best at what they do. It's a philosophy I hold and it works both for the company and the employees.

Then why did I resign? It's because there are things I stand for.

An excerpt from my notice:

"Again, I would like to thank you for everything. Despite my short engagement with *company* I have learned more about myself. What I’m willing to stand for and what principles I am not willing to compromise and these I believe is one of the best things about this experience. I am thankful for all the people I have met in this company and have worked with for I know they are good people. I pray that God bless you and your endeavors despite us going separate ways."

It's hard to implement something right if the people at the top of the ladder refuse to do so [and maybe they also have no respect for what the Philippine Law affords its people. You are not in your own country. Respect our soil by respecting our Laws]. Moreover I was placed at risk. My name and my reputation was place on the stake. [If you think this is overacting, it's not. I could go to jail with what they had me do.] If that wasn't enough, backstabbing was going on. Imagine this, I was working for the position I held and then I find out that I was seemingly demoted behind my back? This new girl comes in and acts all over me like she was better. [You're a frickin agent in you last job for frickin' sake] 

The thing I hated the most was that they kept rubbing it in that I was young. The thing is education levels out experience nowadays. It was fun watching the new girl sink into my shoes after my resignation. She even had to ask me when the deadlines of the government agencies were. If she was oh so experience, she should know that already. I ask, where's your years of experience now? And how dare you talk to me as if I have done nothing for this company. You snaked your last company by copying its guidebook. I may be evil at some points in my life but I won't go as far as hurting others on purpose.

Yes, I am frustrated, insulted and very much hurt. Then again, what should I expect there was a lack in integrity of word.

Truth be told, when I submitted my resignation letter I was ultimately at peace, because I was standing up for me. I just feel sorry for the people that I can no longer protect. For that, I am sorry but I can no longer lie for a company that doesn't bother to pay right either.

This was a learning experience and I am still grateful for it. Doormats are stepped on to get your feet clean. I refuse to be a doormat. I know I am far better than that. As for snakes, they are everywhere but I remember I am much bigger than them. I am not afraid to do what's right and to have some self respect.

Of course, I protected myself. I had them amend everything they did wrong in my name. Otherwise, I would have gone to the authorities. I also took everything that is rightfully mine. If they fulfilled thier part of the bargain, I don't know. I'll let karma, God and the basic laws of the universe do what it wills. I know there is better for me.

This is where I close the chapter of that first job and I take the good things with me and leave snakes and doormats behind.

This is Real

After not seeing each other for nearly three months. We finally got a chance to see each other.

I was down in the Metro to do school stuff and fix up my BIR/TIN forms. I hitched a ride getting there with my parents and sister. My mom, sis and I attended her JGSOM Ateneo thing in the morning. [Yes, I was evil and wore my UPD jacket the entire time. What? I don't bleed blue.] Then they left for Baguio in the afternoon.

I exited reality for awhile.

I hanged out at his place, got to see his siblings. We had a GunPla session. [GunPla is what he's into right now. It's Gundam model kit building.] We sanded, painted and panel lined a Gundam. [Not sure which Gundam, he has a ton of them] This may sound boring to you but this used to be a normal day for us. Geeking is something we use to regularly do before I got pulled back to Baguio. Now, we both appreciate this things more cause now thier special. The fact that we share the same space in this moment, doing our own thing is what makes our relationship distinct.

Anyway, when night time fell. We went to see some friends [yes drinks were involved] and I got to meet some of his officemates. I find it important to be part of the many worlds he has. The same way he is so ingrained into mine.

The next day, we hanged around my Alma Mater. Then did the grown up stuff I was suppose to do. Then headed to Greenhills to get me my first GundPla kit. Its a GN Archer HG 1/144. [Nosebleed? I used to have that now I know what those figures mean.]

I brought him to work and then got on the bus back to my [rather harsh] reality.

Something about being in a long distance relationship is that when you both are apart for so long, it doesn't feel like your relationship is real. Yes, proximity is important and that's what you learn to treasure when you are apart. So keeping communication lines open and being in tuned as much as you can even if you both are separated by distance still would not be enough at times. It will feel like it's not real. These short moments together feeling like stealing memories.

Our short time together felt like a dream, like time was way too fast and that time isn't enough. Though, I know and will always know that this is real.

That it is still real.

Tribute to Gabrielle Bouliane

I miss writing poetry. It used to be a field I owned. [Perhaps, I shall start again.]

I also miss listening and reading poetry.

I got this off Sir Budjette Tan's DeviantArt journal.



RIP Gabrielle. You're already an angel.

Navi 2010

I'm a planner person. I developed the habit of using a planner and planning things when I got into my second year in college. Mainly because I had to adjust to the demands [and volmunous amount of free time] college had to offer. I was no longer a freshman and it was my first year of practically living on my own. It was what kept me steady and kept me responsible to myself and for myself.

I was always the journaling type. The planner love just evolved since it made it more practical and easier to take note of what will happen and what happened in a day. It also helps that my Chicas [college barkada] are planner people too. We go as far as having planner sessions. It's near therapeutic for us.

Planners have become very important to me that when December of the current year I haven't purchased a planner for the coming year yet, I go into panic. [Laugh if you will, but it's true.] Yes, I also do not purchase just any planner it has to be by fate. Something that jumps from the book racks and into my conscience.

This year, my buddy of the year is the Navi 2010 planner.

The features that makes it a great buy:

• It's inspired by travel;
• It concentrates on goal setting; 
• It has great pictures and excerpts inserted; 
• It has an expense tracker; [This is important to me since I'm also a budget freak. I want to know where my money goes.]
• It has enough unlined surfaces to write on; 
• Not to be undone it also has coupons;
• It's only Php 510.00! [Though when buying a planner, price is no object to me.]

It won me over with this:

"Your life is your ship and we want to help you navigate it by reminding you to take stock of the present and by inspiring you to keep moving forward."

It's by Viviamo! Inc [Viviamo traslates to We live!] which is also the company responsible for the Belle De Jour planners. [Which I never am interested in since they're over girly. *Shiver*] It also donates to Mio. You can also learn a lot more about it from lifenavijournal.com.

2009 was definitely not the best year of my life and I want to shape my 2010. I start with planning it then moving towards what I write and what I envision.

Manifesto 2010

It takes me about a month to look at the year that has been and learn. Then I let go and look forward to the year that is.

This is my Manifesto for 2010.

I, Xylith, hereby declare that this 2010 I will achieve the following in the different areas of my life:

Academic/Career: I will start a career in Human Resources specifically Training and Development and Employee Relations. I will start my walk towards having my own consultancy firm. 

Personal/Self: I will learn something out of the office. I will improve my writing and photography which includes saving up for my own DSLR from the Nikon Corporation. I will start a book collection.

Love/Relationship: I will learn to be more responsible towards the decisions we make. I will be more sensitive, understanding and compromising. We will have better conversations through any medium.

Health: I will get to 115 lbs and maintain it. I will continue my Arnis preferably with Lightning Strike Arnis International. I will drink less, quit smoking and start to learn to cook real food.

Spiritual: I will attend church regularly. I will make an effort to read my bible and pray more often. I will listen and wait on the Lord. I will confess, tithe and grow in Him.

Family: I will keep in touch with my siblings and parents. I will be more positive towards my relationship with my mother. I will pray for my parents more often. 

Social Circle: I will see my friends more often. I will go shopping with Ami, Aya, Iam and Mai whether as a group or as pairs. I will have double dates with taken and dating friends. 

At the end of this year, I will be independent of my parents and will be respected for making my own decisions both in the family and the workplace.  I would have been to three new places on my own expense. I would have maintained my blogs and different accounts. 


Above all, I will be true to myself and never loose time for me. I will take it slow and smell the roses. I will enjoy life. I will know and love myself more. I will be happy.

Excerpt from my Navi 2010 planner.