Doormats and Snakes

"You're only a doormat if you feel like one."

Here comes the reason why I haven't paid much attention to my online life. I had a job. Yes, you read that right. It's in the past tense.

I worked from January to March. I didn't even have to finish the entire month of March.

Before I go to the resignation [Yes, I resigned. I am very good at what I do and I absolutely will not allow myself to be fired]and why it happened, I want to first look back on the good things.

I was in the field of Human Resources, the career I really want and plan to pursue. I was really glad I got this job. It was a start up company, and I got to sink my teeth into it. Develop, test, evaluate and implement what I learned from school and from my own research. I was excited and I wanted to give no less than a 110%.

The company is basically an outbound contact center. I first want to say that I loved the people I met there. I learned so much about the realities of working in the corporate world. I'm happy I met them and got to stay with them in this crossroad in time. I got to love the field I committed to more because of them. I like to help people. I like to know more about them and give them the best the company can offer so that they can be the best at what they do. It's a philosophy I hold and it works both for the company and the employees.

Then why did I resign? It's because there are things I stand for.

An excerpt from my notice:

"Again, I would like to thank you for everything. Despite my short engagement with *company* I have learned more about myself. What I’m willing to stand for and what principles I am not willing to compromise and these I believe is one of the best things about this experience. I am thankful for all the people I have met in this company and have worked with for I know they are good people. I pray that God bless you and your endeavors despite us going separate ways."

It's hard to implement something right if the people at the top of the ladder refuse to do so [and maybe they also have no respect for what the Philippine Law affords its people. You are not in your own country. Respect our soil by respecting our Laws]. Moreover I was placed at risk. My name and my reputation was place on the stake. [If you think this is overacting, it's not. I could go to jail with what they had me do.] If that wasn't enough, backstabbing was going on. Imagine this, I was working for the position I held and then I find out that I was seemingly demoted behind my back? This new girl comes in and acts all over me like she was better. [You're a frickin agent in you last job for frickin' sake] 

The thing I hated the most was that they kept rubbing it in that I was young. The thing is education levels out experience nowadays. It was fun watching the new girl sink into my shoes after my resignation. She even had to ask me when the deadlines of the government agencies were. If she was oh so experience, she should know that already. I ask, where's your years of experience now? And how dare you talk to me as if I have done nothing for this company. You snaked your last company by copying its guidebook. I may be evil at some points in my life but I won't go as far as hurting others on purpose.

Yes, I am frustrated, insulted and very much hurt. Then again, what should I expect there was a lack in integrity of word.

Truth be told, when I submitted my resignation letter I was ultimately at peace, because I was standing up for me. I just feel sorry for the people that I can no longer protect. For that, I am sorry but I can no longer lie for a company that doesn't bother to pay right either.

This was a learning experience and I am still grateful for it. Doormats are stepped on to get your feet clean. I refuse to be a doormat. I know I am far better than that. As for snakes, they are everywhere but I remember I am much bigger than them. I am not afraid to do what's right and to have some self respect.

Of course, I protected myself. I had them amend everything they did wrong in my name. Otherwise, I would have gone to the authorities. I also took everything that is rightfully mine. If they fulfilled thier part of the bargain, I don't know. I'll let karma, God and the basic laws of the universe do what it wills. I know there is better for me.

This is where I close the chapter of that first job and I take the good things with me and leave snakes and doormats behind.

This is Real

After not seeing each other for nearly three months. We finally got a chance to see each other.

I was down in the Metro to do school stuff and fix up my BIR/TIN forms. I hitched a ride getting there with my parents and sister. My mom, sis and I attended her JGSOM Ateneo thing in the morning. [Yes, I was evil and wore my UPD jacket the entire time. What? I don't bleed blue.] Then they left for Baguio in the afternoon.

I exited reality for awhile.

I hanged out at his place, got to see his siblings. We had a GunPla session. [GunPla is what he's into right now. It's Gundam model kit building.] We sanded, painted and panel lined a Gundam. [Not sure which Gundam, he has a ton of them] This may sound boring to you but this used to be a normal day for us. Geeking is something we use to regularly do before I got pulled back to Baguio. Now, we both appreciate this things more cause now thier special. The fact that we share the same space in this moment, doing our own thing is what makes our relationship distinct.

Anyway, when night time fell. We went to see some friends [yes drinks were involved] and I got to meet some of his officemates. I find it important to be part of the many worlds he has. The same way he is so ingrained into mine.

The next day, we hanged around my Alma Mater. Then did the grown up stuff I was suppose to do. Then headed to Greenhills to get me my first GundPla kit. Its a GN Archer HG 1/144. [Nosebleed? I used to have that now I know what those figures mean.]

I brought him to work and then got on the bus back to my [rather harsh] reality.

Something about being in a long distance relationship is that when you both are apart for so long, it doesn't feel like your relationship is real. Yes, proximity is important and that's what you learn to treasure when you are apart. So keeping communication lines open and being in tuned as much as you can even if you both are separated by distance still would not be enough at times. It will feel like it's not real. These short moments together feeling like stealing memories.

Our short time together felt like a dream, like time was way too fast and that time isn't enough. Though, I know and will always know that this is real.

That it is still real.

Tribute to Gabrielle Bouliane

I miss writing poetry. It used to be a field I owned. [Perhaps, I shall start again.]

I also miss listening and reading poetry.

I got this off Sir Budjette Tan's DeviantArt journal.



RIP Gabrielle. You're already an angel.

Navi 2010

I'm a planner person. I developed the habit of using a planner and planning things when I got into my second year in college. Mainly because I had to adjust to the demands [and volmunous amount of free time] college had to offer. I was no longer a freshman and it was my first year of practically living on my own. It was what kept me steady and kept me responsible to myself and for myself.

I was always the journaling type. The planner love just evolved since it made it more practical and easier to take note of what will happen and what happened in a day. It also helps that my Chicas [college barkada] are planner people too. We go as far as having planner sessions. It's near therapeutic for us.

Planners have become very important to me that when December of the current year I haven't purchased a planner for the coming year yet, I go into panic. [Laugh if you will, but it's true.] Yes, I also do not purchase just any planner it has to be by fate. Something that jumps from the book racks and into my conscience.

This year, my buddy of the year is the Navi 2010 planner.

The features that makes it a great buy:

• It's inspired by travel;
• It concentrates on goal setting; 
• It has great pictures and excerpts inserted; 
• It has an expense tracker; [This is important to me since I'm also a budget freak. I want to know where my money goes.]
• It has enough unlined surfaces to write on; 
• Not to be undone it also has coupons;
• It's only Php 510.00! [Though when buying a planner, price is no object to me.]

It won me over with this:

"Your life is your ship and we want to help you navigate it by reminding you to take stock of the present and by inspiring you to keep moving forward."

It's by Viviamo! Inc [Viviamo traslates to We live!] which is also the company responsible for the Belle De Jour planners. [Which I never am interested in since they're over girly. *Shiver*] It also donates to Mio. You can also learn a lot more about it from lifenavijournal.com.

2009 was definitely not the best year of my life and I want to shape my 2010. I start with planning it then moving towards what I write and what I envision.

Manifesto 2010

It takes me about a month to look at the year that has been and learn. Then I let go and look forward to the year that is.

This is my Manifesto for 2010.

I, Xylith, hereby declare that this 2010 I will achieve the following in the different areas of my life:

Academic/Career: I will start a career in Human Resources specifically Training and Development and Employee Relations. I will start my walk towards having my own consultancy firm. 

Personal/Self: I will learn something out of the office. I will improve my writing and photography which includes saving up for my own DSLR from the Nikon Corporation. I will start a book collection.

Love/Relationship: I will learn to be more responsible towards the decisions we make. I will be more sensitive, understanding and compromising. We will have better conversations through any medium.

Health: I will get to 115 lbs and maintain it. I will continue my Arnis preferably with Lightning Strike Arnis International. I will drink less, quit smoking and start to learn to cook real food.

Spiritual: I will attend church regularly. I will make an effort to read my bible and pray more often. I will listen and wait on the Lord. I will confess, tithe and grow in Him.

Family: I will keep in touch with my siblings and parents. I will be more positive towards my relationship with my mother. I will pray for my parents more often. 

Social Circle: I will see my friends more often. I will go shopping with Ami, Aya, Iam and Mai whether as a group or as pairs. I will have double dates with taken and dating friends. 

At the end of this year, I will be independent of my parents and will be respected for making my own decisions both in the family and the workplace.  I would have been to three new places on my own expense. I would have maintained my blogs and different accounts. 


Above all, I will be true to myself and never loose time for me. I will take it slow and smell the roses. I will enjoy life. I will know and love myself more. I will be happy.

Excerpt from my Navi 2010 planner.

Starting 2010

It's been a long while since I last posted anything. I'll get to what kept me away from the net sooner or later. For now, I'll be taking you guys back in time by posting the drafts that I have saved. Enjoy.

Anyway, we started the year out with some sibling bonding. We spent the afternoon in SM Baguio just talking and walking around. Then we took group photos!

We've been doing this every year since I left to study in Manila about five years ago. It was something we did just before I left after Christmas Break. Apparently it just stuck.

I love my sibs.

Then we headed for New Year's Day Dinner at my grandma's house in Polofield. We basically just hung out with the youngest of our cousins on my father's side. I missed those little girls: M and M. :))

Yes, I am the eldest in my father's side. The ever present Ate.

All in all, it was a good start to the year.