It's Been A Long Week

So yes,  I haven't been on here in awhile. Ironically, I think I'm also having a bad week. [I was about to say the worst week of my life but that happened before already.] Anypoo, I definitely think it's the most expensive week of my life.

There have been a great many things that had happened since the second quarter of the year. I will get to those in upcoming posts. [You read that right.] I want to end this blog hiatus and save money by staying in the house.

I've been reading blogs lately since I got my new place. [More about that later.] It's nice to draw inspiration online. Lots of amazing work to tap from at the tips of your fingers. I sometimes wish I would be more dedicated with my blogging.

Anyway, I'm stuck at home again today since my left jaw is still swollen. Oh, and yes, I am doing something about it and so are two doctors [well, one of them's a dentist]. I so want to go back to work. The work week started out great after my leave and now this forced stay in. It's not that I don't enjoy staying home. It's just that I was pretty psyched to get things done at work this week.

I hope you guys are having a better week than I am and I hope next week would be better. I just dropped by cause I miss this place. I missed my place online.

Working to Live

I know I haven't really been as faithful as I wanted to be regarding blogging. I've been going through Hell both figuratively and literally.

So here is one of the hells I'm going through:

Xylith and Her Posse

The other one is related to the title. So if you can connect the dots, I would appreciate a little prayer that this turmoil will end soon.

I hope to have more life soon.

Oh, and it's been awhile since I had a black cloud post.

Channeling My Inner Dragon Part 2: February

As I patiently waited for breakfast, I was also able to do this: Follow my blog with Bloglovin

So, big things happened in February. One of which is that I started working on my first goal of this year which is saving. Hence, I applied for a retirement plan. [Sounds very adult, noh?] I want to make sure that when I am old, I can definitely fend for myself. I would appreciate help from my future kids but I'd not want to be a burden. Yes, it does seem like a bill now but I have seen people who are not prepared and trust me it is NOT pretty. Of course, I will also still be working on my life savings.

Another of which is that I bought furniture and let me tell you it was definitely fun. [That sounded old.] I got a bookshelf, chair and closet. I rearranged my side of the room and I find it more organized. I am definitely enjoying my current space more than I used to.

View from my bed (top bunk)

My bed and the bookshelf created a bedside table

My space

Let's move on to the not too adult things. We also finally gathered as a team and I was finally able to introduce Arckham to my new Work Family. We had dinner at Hyphy's which by the way is by Chef Bruce Lim which Arckham and I are not too fond of. Props though since we liked the food. We also were able to bond with Jenn and her husband over drinks. Let me just say that I admire this woman a lot more now.

The next day, Arckham and I joined one of our friend's at the 2012 Pyromusical Competition. Mainly for me to practice photography. I enjoyed it a lot since Fritz was there to teach me how. We got gold tickets to make sure that we would be seaside. Not too many great shots but it was pretty good for my first fireworks shoot.

We were able to see Spain and Britain battle it out. I voted for España mainly due to their Ode to Joy part. [Wow, didn't know blogger had their own video hosting but then again, Google has YouTube.] Here's a short video on that one:

Just before the month ended, I took a few days away from the Metro to celebrate my brother's birthday back in Baguio and also to use my remaining leave credits left over from last year. :P Little did I know that Panagbenga (the Baguio Flower Festival) would coincide with my weekend getaway which turned it to the exact opposite. I was headed to where all the people were headed and I really don't like that. Anyway, I had to circumvent to get to Baguio so I decided to take the Partas Busline instead of Victory [which everyone took] and stopped over at La Union before heading up to Baguio. I think it was meant to be since I was able to catch the deluxe bus. Super comfy seats for the win!

In Transit Snack and Comfy chair made the side trip worth it.

Though that first day back in Baguio was not very good for customer service. I know it's peak season since there are a lot  of people coming in got the Festival but quality of work should not diminish. Strike 1: Kris and I met up with the Bookclub in Gecko. There I ordered the apple pie that took 6 follow ups to get to me and roughly 1.5 hours. When we told them that I'd rather cancel cause we decided to have dinner already was the only time they rush ed to serve it. Strike 2: We were in a diner in Session Road though I can't remember the name of the place. [It's at the left side going down at the entrance of La Azotea] Service was slow but that wasn't the problem. Kris' chicken was undercooked and bloody and we wanted the dish changed as is standard. Oh but the chef said that since he started eating the dish already they would no longer replace it. Fine. So we asked them to change the chicken. They offered to take the chicken and refry it. That was the last straw, I mean c'mon Kris is one hell of a whiz in the kitchen and Jake is a HRM graduate. The one thing I learned in UP is my consumer rights [got 1 for that class too]. So we asked to see the manager. They still only changed the chicken. Strike 3: So after that Kris and I decided to drop my stuff off at my dad's place and go have coffee in Kaffee Klatsch. I really liked this place until I found out how illogical they have become and the music has changed as well. Once Kris and I got there, they told us we weren't allowed to sit in the smoking area cause there were only 2 of us. [Yup read that again] So we insisted and asked nicely and the waitress acts like fixing us a spot was her doing a  big favor for us. This really pissed me off since I used to go to this place on my own and had no problems with sitting anywhere. Let me just say that this is one huge AFI for Baguio restaurants. I recommend places to my friends here in Manila and I fear they now think I'm an idiot and don't know good service.

Good friend's that stuck through bad service.

Food from that diner place. It wasn't too bad it was just the service.

An improvement in Klatsch but doesn't excuse bad service.

The second day was decidedly better. I had lunch with Lor in a place called Zio's along Leonard Wood Road. Awesome food, clean place, affordable rates and pretty good service. I think I should stick to NOT eating in Session Road. Then I headed off to this Comic Convention some good friends invited me to check out. It was definitely not what I expected. Gerry Alanguilan was suppose to be there but he cancelled since the organizers moved the dates last minute. So another AFI would be event organization. It was not so much of a convention and more like an org gathering. Lor and I felt pretty left out. Since I took more pictures of Lor than anything else then that should tell you something. Though what I really liked is seeing two of my most favorite people in the world, which made attending all worth it. Oh and seeing Lara all in love and meeting her new boyfriend. :P

Zio's

Awesome siblings I love

Of course, after that I had dinner with my family which was nice. It was nice to see my little cousins and my Grandmother. It's in these times that I wish my family was okay and I can just go see my siblings whenever I want too. Anyway, I wanted to have some drinks and so I reached out to people and my childhood friends decide that it's a good idea to meet up. We met at Pizza Hut and headed to Citilights for drinks. Let me just warn you guys to bring cash when you head there. They're credit card service isn't star worthy the drinks were though. It's a good thing we had cash on us. [It's not my card with the problem, I used it the next day in SM and it was fine.] Oh well, it was nice hanging out with Ave and Jena's new boyfriend. [Apparently, it's meeting the boyfriend day for me.]

From diapers to now. 2 decades of friendship right here.

My last day was definitely the best. I was able to spend so much time with my siblings and celebrated my brother's birthday. I had lunch 3 times that day too. Lunch 1 was in Jay-j's Inasal in Legarda for my tall brother's birthday! He's 18 already. Then Lunch 2 was in Happy Tummy where my tummy was definitely made happy. I introduced Meg and Jonas so that they can work their IT powers on some project. Jonas so knows the best places to eat. Lunch 3 was watching Jake eat at Brother's Burger in John Hay. Meg and I hung out at Manor and had dessert. Lastly, just before I was to board the bus. I was able to see my siblings one last time. So all in all a good day.

All gangster like :P

Happy at Happy Tummy

The fish was heaven!

With my brothers. I love you guys.

So yeah, February brought out the dragon in me. Text heavy and picture heavy, I did mention that this would be the case until the next post right? I hope you enjoyed the long read though.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

On to the promised Baguio visit post...

One of the things I appreciate when I come home is that for some reason people and the place in general is accommodating [More on this later.] Convenient and efficient? Yes-ish. Accommodating? Yes. Anyway, the reason I went up to Baguio last weekend was to tell the truth. The dim, dismal truth of it all.

The truth is all about what I had gone through all my life. It is now officially known by the Philippine public, what abuse I went through all those years.

To be honest, it was not easy. I have never officially been under investigation or spoken in court. This would be the first time and the topic at hand is something that hits a sore spot. [Yes, I did not cry on that stand. That was hard to do.] 

In the least, I appreciate that the people that took the stand had spoken in truth and I am very much proud of them. [I <3 my sibs]. I hope that this would all end swiftly and justice be dealt. I understand that this is hard for everyone but for the record as much as I wanted to bring this out this way. I didn't start this, but I will not take this lying down either. I've been there and done that. It doesn't do anyone any good.

What peeves me now is that a response was recently sent to me is still full of lies. It's actually quite amazing the way she can lie like that. It scares me how different reality is in her head and what the truth really is. I guess the photos and recordings help bend things to the side of truth. [Hurrah for my incessant need to document things.]

I hope that the government would really decide on the side of justice and truth. If this screws up, I swear to raise hell and high water.

I don't really know why it has to come to this. We are definitely not rich and we are working for what we have. I don't understand how other people can think that they don't have to do the same. I also do not appreciate those who think that saving face is more important than the truth. I also do not know why people think that they can just come in and act like they were always there to seem like heroes [If people really cared, I do believe they would have acted on it if words were not enough]. I also would like to understand why help is not accepted when it's freely given, I hope my special people would want to change the status quo.

At the end of the day, I hope that things would go smoothly and that the truth is heard and learned by many. I hope at the end of this all, she would accept truth.

I got to see my siblings in the least and got to hang out with them a little. This part made me smile despite the reason we were able see each other is not even close to ideal.

Not a very happy post about Baguio, but not to worry, updates about the rest of the trip will be up soon. I just needed to unload all this, guys.

Science Stumbled on Something

Go with your heart, buddy. Our brains only screw things up.

-Chuck Bartowski, Chuck(2007)

I had the past couple of days off from work. I really needed that since I've been on split offs for a long time. Anyway, my original plans to see my dad didn't really push through. [Yes, I am still bummed out about it] Though, Arckham and I made up for it by having a movie date which we haven't done in awhile.

In addition, I had some me time and I did a lot of reading and catching up with people I care about. And I'd like to share something I came across when I was going through my blogroll:

...a health reporter, I see so many studies of the causes and symptoms of work stress. So it was refreshing to see a study about the converse: what makes workers happy.
Focusing on social workers, a profession known for its high attrition, stress and burnout, John Graham, Ph.D., a professor of social work at the University of Calgary and his then doctoral student Micheal Shier, now at the University of Pennsylvania sent a survey out to 2,500 registered social workers in Alberta, Canada.  Seven hundred people responded.

From that group they took 13 people who scored the highest in nine areas of happiness and then followed them closely through in-depth interviews about their lives at home, at work and through shadowing them at work. Here’s what he found made them happy:
1. Flexible work schedules. The workers had the ability to provide “selfcare” by having the flexibility to manage their personal lives. A flexible schedule helped them to achieve a healthy work-life balance.
2. A strong sense of engagement in their work. The researcher found that was because of behind-the-scenes support the employees received from their bosses and employers. This support included flex schedules as well as the availability of superiors to consult with and bounce issues off of.
3. A feeling of being appreciated and valued, which often stemmed from their being included in organizational decision-making.
4. Having a high degree of freedom built into their jobs, meaning that they wanted the ability to try new things and expand out of their immediate area.
5. A pleasant physical workspace and good relationships with clients and colleagues.
6. Having a diversity of responsibilities, which might include training or teaching others, research, and policy development work.
7. Having a mentor to talk about their life, career decisions and their day-to-day job.

Graham and Shier are currently researching whether these factors make other types of workers happy as well, but the hunch is that these attributes would be important to all workers. What improves your sense of well being at work?

Thank you for this, theminordetail.

One of my goals is to be happy [I believe that goal should be fairly common.] and I spend time looking into it that I am headed in the right direction. This study gave me a lot to think about after all I think science is on to something here.

Well, it's the start of the week. Game on.

There's Something About The Rain

So Basyang was quite a fright! I literally couldn't sleep despite having my MP3 player in my ears. The winds and the sheets of pouring rain kept me up. [They were trying to knock our wall down, I swear.] If there's one thing I am not yet prepared to handle, it is a Ondoy/Pepeng-like catastrophe.

As with Manila weather, it tends to scare you at night then the next morning, it's all sunshine. Oh well, at least we were allowed to dress down in the office.

There is one good thing that made very happy with this recent storm: My travel time went back to normal!

You see, lately, there have been an increase in deployment of traffic enforcers in my route to work. I already leave my place an hour and a half early and what annoys me is that I still cut it close to being late. I know they're just doing their jobs but the time intervals between the waits on each traffic enforcer would have an estimated total time of 30 mins. I don't think they're helping ease traffic at all. If at all I think they're creating the traffic. [I don't like being late for work, especially if I've exerted all effort to get there early.]

So to all the traffic enforcers out there: please do either 1) a better job at coordinating among yourselves, or 2) just assist motorist when needed. I think the reason why people would have a license to drive is because they would be able to assess the situation on the road and respond accordingly. [At least, that's how I am.] Nevertheless, it's rush hour, people tend to move faster and make better decisions if it's for their good and usually that works for everyone. I prefer you to be there when it doesn't work.

The only reason I really see why we have traffic is that the traffic lights, as compared to the traffic enforcers, are more coordinated than the enforcers are, hence, traffic lights are better at managing the car inflow.

So to Basyang, despite your tantrum during the evening, I do thank you for giving me a good morning. I hope next time you let me have a decent night's sleep too. XD

Don't Just Dream

I miss blogging. I actually told myself that I'd start blogging again when I have stable internet access. Lo and behold, I apparently can manage having stable internet access. [Thank you my sponsors: Smart Bro, Sammy, Toshi and Ingen.] Not as often as when I had Enso with me but well enough manageable.

Anyway, I've taken the first step into achieving a big dream but first I have had to let smaller dreams to come to pass. Among those small dreams was a dream of freedom from fear, being hurt and being belittled. A dream that started about June last year. A small dream that has now come to pass.

Yes, isn't it fortunate? Perhaps, but a lot of it wasn't just fortune. There was drive, determination and sooner than expected the diminishing amount of fear I felt. It's hard to be in a situation where you aren't heard, where people label you without bothering to listen to you, where you're already nothing and not given a chance to be something and most specially when you are told every single day that you will never amount to anything. It's a very hard, sad and hurtful situation. Yet, with a little love, a little hope, a little dream and a whole lot of faith, believe me you will come out strong.

I did.

I've been free for about a month and a half now. You see, I took that step. I took that step into the unknown trusting that God will watch over me. and He has. He really has. I left the place where the fear in me was planted, nurtured and is still trying to reach me.

Of course, it is not a miracle [though I still feel and believe it is] that my dream had come to pass. There are casualties, Enso and Demitri. Though, I know there will be better and better will come. Life is manageable now, not great, not quite yet, but it is far more that what I could have asked for. For that, I am grateful.

The most important lesson I've learned from all this is that, dreams don't just come to pass. You have to act on them. You have to make that first step. If you don't, you never will know what it could be. I believe that dreams are there as a way of God telling you that He still believes in you. He still is all for you. He still loves you. No matter what they all say.

It hurts me that others are still in that place of fear and that they are being pushed down by the very people that should help them up. How can I blame those people who do not wish to see, they are afraid too.

I've smiled more now despite things being hard. I cry too, it's not always as happy as it should be, but I am glad we are trying to be happy. I hope they smile sometimes too.

As I start to act on my bigger dream, I urge you to as well. Don't just dream, act on it.

I'm still smiling. I'll keep smiling. After all, this year, I will be happy.

Fighting Back And Fighting Fear

The world is not all flowers and sunshine. I'm old enough to know that. Same way there is a difference between being child like and childish; innocent and naive.

Some people go through this behind closed doors for the fear of judgement from the outside world. Domestic violence is the most neglected violence in my opinion. It is also the hardest to come out strong from. Imagine abuse since one was a child. [Hard isn't it?] Scar atop scar. Pain atop pain.

We have no right to judge them for their action based on our ideal views. They just defend themselves from bad parents. Remove the fact that they are parents, most of us would run to the aid of the child. The only thing a bad parent does is instill fear. Not respect. Or love. Fear. [Not a very good parenting strategy I must say.]

When the child no longer fears you? What do you do then? Sooner or later fear will run out. Respect and Love, those never do.

For the author's note: I'm not inclined to write about all sunshine and no rain. Every artist knows that usually the best pieces come out not from happy endings but reality, status quo and bad beginnings. Well in my case anyway.

Blog readers, this is the piece.

Doormats and Snakes

"You're only a doormat if you feel like one."

Here comes the reason why I haven't paid much attention to my online life. I had a job. Yes, you read that right. It's in the past tense.

I worked from January to March. I didn't even have to finish the entire month of March.

Before I go to the resignation [Yes, I resigned. I am very good at what I do and I absolutely will not allow myself to be fired]and why it happened, I want to first look back on the good things.

I was in the field of Human Resources, the career I really want and plan to pursue. I was really glad I got this job. It was a start up company, and I got to sink my teeth into it. Develop, test, evaluate and implement what I learned from school and from my own research. I was excited and I wanted to give no less than a 110%.

The company is basically an outbound contact center. I first want to say that I loved the people I met there. I learned so much about the realities of working in the corporate world. I'm happy I met them and got to stay with them in this crossroad in time. I got to love the field I committed to more because of them. I like to help people. I like to know more about them and give them the best the company can offer so that they can be the best at what they do. It's a philosophy I hold and it works both for the company and the employees.

Then why did I resign? It's because there are things I stand for.

An excerpt from my notice:

"Again, I would like to thank you for everything. Despite my short engagement with *company* I have learned more about myself. What I’m willing to stand for and what principles I am not willing to compromise and these I believe is one of the best things about this experience. I am thankful for all the people I have met in this company and have worked with for I know they are good people. I pray that God bless you and your endeavors despite us going separate ways."

It's hard to implement something right if the people at the top of the ladder refuse to do so [and maybe they also have no respect for what the Philippine Law affords its people. You are not in your own country. Respect our soil by respecting our Laws]. Moreover I was placed at risk. My name and my reputation was place on the stake. [If you think this is overacting, it's not. I could go to jail with what they had me do.] If that wasn't enough, backstabbing was going on. Imagine this, I was working for the position I held and then I find out that I was seemingly demoted behind my back? This new girl comes in and acts all over me like she was better. [You're a frickin agent in you last job for frickin' sake] 

The thing I hated the most was that they kept rubbing it in that I was young. The thing is education levels out experience nowadays. It was fun watching the new girl sink into my shoes after my resignation. She even had to ask me when the deadlines of the government agencies were. If she was oh so experience, she should know that already. I ask, where's your years of experience now? And how dare you talk to me as if I have done nothing for this company. You snaked your last company by copying its guidebook. I may be evil at some points in my life but I won't go as far as hurting others on purpose.

Yes, I am frustrated, insulted and very much hurt. Then again, what should I expect there was a lack in integrity of word.

Truth be told, when I submitted my resignation letter I was ultimately at peace, because I was standing up for me. I just feel sorry for the people that I can no longer protect. For that, I am sorry but I can no longer lie for a company that doesn't bother to pay right either.

This was a learning experience and I am still grateful for it. Doormats are stepped on to get your feet clean. I refuse to be a doormat. I know I am far better than that. As for snakes, they are everywhere but I remember I am much bigger than them. I am not afraid to do what's right and to have some self respect.

Of course, I protected myself. I had them amend everything they did wrong in my name. Otherwise, I would have gone to the authorities. I also took everything that is rightfully mine. If they fulfilled thier part of the bargain, I don't know. I'll let karma, God and the basic laws of the universe do what it wills. I know there is better for me.

This is where I close the chapter of that first job and I take the good things with me and leave snakes and doormats behind.